Hey there, and thanks for popping in. This section is dedicated to helping the couples or singles who are on the fringe thinking about joining the lifestyle or just have entered into it.
We've all been there and we're all to familiar with the preconceived notions and fantasies that bring some people in and scare others away. As you're new, you don't have the facts. So you surf around looking for information and you get besieged with porn, rumours and crap. It's really hard to find that one tree in the forest that has the "reality" sign posted on it. Why is it so hard to get some honest information?
As you're starting off, many wonder how this will change their relationship. I can answer that for you right now. This will amplify your relationship 10 fold. So definitely better or definitely worse. If your relationship is loving, trusting and solid, it will make it 10 fold more loving, trusting etc.... As a person who's been the before, and is now the after, it's incredible. If you're relationship is on it's last legs and you think by getting into this it will solve your problems, nope...it will probably end your relationship. That last part is kind of cold, but it is true. This is why I used the term, amplify. This takes some honest thinking on your part. Consider this: You walk in and you're partner is sitting on the couch making out with someone, do you start screaming and throwing things or do drop your pants and masturbate? Think about your reaction but don't answer it yet.
In general, many start this way: You're with your partner and while fooling around in bed you start talking dirty. As the talk continues about this or that situation, you mention bringing someone else into the bedroom, a threesome. It's exciting and daring and as you fool around, that topic recurs more and more until it breaks out of the bedroom and you start talking about it as a possible reality. Questions like, should we or shouldn't we, move into, guy or girl, and into.....who? Although I've written five-and-a-half lines, that portion could take months or years and as you move through them, they seem like gigantic steps that get bigger and bigger with each one.
So, you've decided to "take the plunge" so to speak. You start looking at the personals in the paper or Monday Magazine, perhaps you're online with AFF or Lava Life, whichever, and you talk about the different people and their ads. You respond to a few, perhaps post an ad.
This is a huge and daring move because in you're mind, you know all your neighbours, co-workers, parents and relatives scan those ads. One descriptive word too many and you may as well hang a neon flashing sign over your house saying "swingers live here". It's tough taking that step and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Not everyone goes through this path but many do. As you move into this, the one thing I can't stress enough is COMMUNICATION. Talk about what's acceptable and what's not each time you're about to do something. Jump back to the question at the end of the second paragraph and think about your reaction but add this to it: You're 20 minutes from home when your cell phone rings, it's your partner and they say that someone has stopped by and they're both feeling pretty frisky, do you mind if we fool around a bit before you get home? In the first paragraph, the partner was actually excluded until they walked in on it, one phone call and the whole thing is reversed and the partner is now included. This is what I mean by communication. This sharing of ideas and talking before you play will go far and make for smoother waters. The people in this lifestyle are able to separate sex and love. Just because you or your partner has sex with someone, it doesn't mean they're in love. Have sex with whomever, but love your partner.
When we got started, we did the ad thing, checked out lots, even put a couple in this magazine or that one. In retrospect, the best way to find someone is to go to a local swing club. Going to a club, when you're new, is scary because you think you're losing your anonymity, but strangely enough you're not. You're actually just sharing the same secret that many people are already sharing and now you're amongst a group who, in their past, were exactly where you are now. People don't go to a swing club just to see who's there but they do surf ads online for that.
And....when all else fails and you're thinking, nahhh it really can't be like that.... email us.